Dee-presh-un

So there's this meme quote phrase "inspirational" thought thing going around online about crying, depression, anxiety, etc. You've probably seen it. But on the off chance you have not, here is one variation:

I have to tell you, I don't like it.  I find it severely melodramatic, offensive, and in my own personal experience, inaccurate. "Having tried to remain strong for so long"? So since I couldn't be strong anymore, I now have depression. You have depression, because you couldn't hack it. You're having a panic attack, because you were trying really hard to stay strong, and then you caved. I think saying "weakness" and "trying to remain strong (and failing or you wouldn't have this disorder)" are pretty much synonymous. Charming, isn't it?
When I first began to experience depression almost 5 years ago, it was when I moved away from home and had a dramatic environment change. I believe that is what brought it on. But I am not exaggerating when I say that it came like the flip of a light switch. And when it does rear its little head from time to time in my here and now, it is the same instantaneous switch in my mind. To go from laughing and smiling, to quiet and despondent, in a matter of moments; with no real reason or indication as to why. Completely from left field, I suddenly do not care about anything, do not want to talk to anyone, don't want to go outside-- I only want to turn off the lights, bury myself under a mountain of blankets and sleep. and sleep. and sleep. 

Obviously there are people who don't get it. 

Buck up.
Just get over it. 
Put a smile on your face.

Blah, blah, blah. 

But remember: they don't get it. You do though. You DO get it. So master it. I spent about 8 months whining and complaining and shaking my fist at the world for my plight: 

Why should I have depression? I'm like the happiest person I know! I'm just trying to do good and live a good life and be a positive force in this world. So why the cuss should this happen to ME?

Then one day I received a stark revelation like a smack on the forehead: 

It's not going away. 

I decided then to own it, to make it mine. I set realistic goals and expectations in my life, to help me regulate it. If I was feeling alright one day, I would be sure to only do as much as my brain would allow, as to not let it completely overcome me, as it so frequently had. 

I understand that everyone's situations and illnesses are different, but man, don't let it run you. There are good days and there are bad days and there are worse days, but don't let it take over this life that you have that is yours that is so full and rich and ready to be LIVED. By YOU. 

So no, mister way-too-dramatic-made-up-quote-meme-maker, I don't think that people who have depression or anxiety have these things because they were trying to be strong "for so long." It's people who, for one reason or another, have experienced an imbalance of chemicals and hormones in their brains and are STILL strong and are still kicking life's trash. 

I used to hate saying "my" depression. I felt like I was making it into an excuse for things. But now it's like, "Yeah it's MY depression and I've got it right here at my feet on a friggin' leash because I run IT and it does not run ME."